Enjoy the Silence
by ProfessorFerrars3256
Summary: An ongoing power of wills confrontation between Hermione Granger and Severus Snape results in some surprises and ultimately a new understanding. AU Sort of HEA. EWE
1. Prologue

**AN: This fic is extremely dark and features some themes that might trigger people, so please proceed with caution. Snape is pretty much deranged at the beginning of this fic, completely obsessed with punishing HG for saving him during the Final Battle; he does not know how to function without someone telling him what to do or how to behave and have given into his madness. Some things happen behind the scenes, eventually, like that he actually gets help for his PTSD. In this HG is a victim and falls under a category I would describe as Stockholm Syndrome, in her intrigue and insatiable need for SS. I do not recommend this type of relationship to anyone, ever. Although I know people who have healthy BDSM lifestyles, this is not an example of one. Their relationship is not healthy- and eventually it does improve, but even with a "happy ending" I would not consider them cured. They would have a really long road ahead of them in terms of their psyches for sure. Thanks for reading!**

 **Prologue: Edinburgh**

Stepping quietly but hurriedly, Hermione wrapped her cloak a little tighter around her body, refusing to look up, refusing to see who might be approaching at the other end of the close. Instead, she pulled the hood over her hair, feeling the chill in every part of herself down to her toenails, even the ones she was missing. Finally, after descending the hundred steps, she saw her destination, a graveyard, a hideout. But she didn't make it because suddenly a hand grabbed her arm, pulling her swiftly from the bottom stair, forcing her to stumble slightly.

"What do you think you are doing?" He whispered callously in her ear. "Did you really think no one would recognize you?" Snapping her arm back and pushing her hard against the stone wall, almost breaking her fingers.

"I no longer care. " She replied, giving no resistance, allowing him to practically break her arm and hand.

"You should, worse men than me are on these streets tonight. It will be child's play with me compared to them." His mouth was so close to her ear, she could feel his tongue enunciate words, the mist between his mouth and her ear causing chills to course down her spine.

"I've experienced worse, but you know that already, don't you, Severus." In a matter of seconds, she felt her wrist snap, the force of his machinations overpowering her weak resistance, but she didn't squirm, she didn't fight, instead she pushed herself further against the wall, the cold stone an odd comfort.

"You should have let me die, Miss. Granger, or at least tried to avoid me. It's almost as though you aren't...even...trying." Each enunciated syllable a broken finger before finally letting her go and watching her stumble evidently in pain but she had no tears, no visible sign of pain; an anomaly in his eyes. It didn't matter how many times he hurt her, she never showed signs of weakness or frailty.

"You don't deserve the peace of death." She hissed, casting a spell to produce a brace and mending her broken bones. With that, she disapparated back to Arthur's Seat, the perfect view of her favorite town. Every time they happened upon each other, Severus Snape broke something, her legs, her nose, her hands, her fingers. He was never kind and he certainly didn't care to help her in any circumstance, at least not proactively; yet, just now when Yaxley was steps away, he pulled her away from danger, hurting her of course but stopping her probable torture or death. She felt the scar he'd given her the first time they'd met, his jagged knife cutting her from mouth to right ear. What kind of game was he playing and why couldn't she stop herself from trying to win?


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It all started when Severus Snape fled from the Ministry of Magic after his name was officially cleared by the Wizengamot. Suspiciously, he cleaned out Spinner's End and took all of his possessions, as though he planned never to return to his former home again. And to make matters worse, or at least more intriguing to aurors and other members of the Ministry, Severus Snape disappeared from all trace for more than two years until Hermione Granger encountered him in Inverness one foggy evening in September. She wouldn't have known it was him at all had he not spoken to her and of course proceeded to break both of her legs and slashed her face leaving a semi-permanent scar. Immediately alerting the Ministry, Deputy Minister Hermione Granger then let Snape go, for no other reason than she still believed the memories he'd shown Harry and the courts exonerated him, how Dumbledore had begged Snape to kill him to not only end his suffering but to keep Draco Malfoy from becoming a murderer; ultimately she wanted to believe he had an ounce of good for the mass of his black heart.

But things continually happened between that first meeting in Inverness and the years which followed, each time they crossed paths she was treated to a few broken bones and he was increasingly more sadistic. It hadn't occurred to her when she saved him in the Shrieking Shack that he would harbor all of the ill will he'd kept bottled up the years working as a spy and turn that hate towards her; she who had done nothing to harm him, ever. It hit Hermione hard that perhaps she was the easiest target, her heart for those downtrodden without a voice had made her vulnerable to men like Snape who most likely valued little. Truth be told, she enjoyed their tete-a-tete each time they met because she had a secret he couldn't possible know.

So continued their ritual meetings, born from one's inability to deal with surviving and the other so damaged that no spells had yet touched the healing. Hermione knew when she saw him again, she would finally tell him that no matter how many bones he brokes or muscles he tore, she would never give up her determination to keep the wizarding world a place for all creatures, even for him. In her heart, she knew that if the tables had been turned, she would want to live life to the fullest for as long as it lasted, but she couldn't know all of the tragedy and horror he'd suffered at the hands of first his parents, then Death Eaters and Voldemort, and lastly by working for Dumbledore as a spy, trying to keep Harry Potter alive and dealing the final blow to the man who had trusted him when no one else would. 'Perhaps that is why he cannot move on', she thought to herself on the Underground. Or maybe he simply couldn't give up the life of a spy, anticipating another's motives and moves before they themselves even knew what they might do. She knew she dwelled on him too often and too long, but her normal life, working at the Ministry and going home to a frat house at Grimmauld Place that felt more like a frat house than what Harry Potter had anticipated when he opened it to his friends after the final battle.

She arrived as the sun set, hearing Neville and Hannah saying goodnight after what appeared to be a date, and then Ron and Harry arguing over who needed to empty the rubbish. Hermione waved as she ascended the stairs, desperate to get to her room and take another potion to make sure her wrist and fingers healed properly. If nothing else, she'd learned the fine art of potion making from one sardonic bastard. Her jacket removed and shoes tossed, she settled in with her journal, marking exactly where they'd been and which bones he'd broken, noting that he had broken the same wrist the year before in York. Perhaps she needed to stay in continental Europe, he hadn't followed her too far before, the furthest was Rome six months before when he hadn't broken a single bone but simply tried to strangle her and was so close to killing her it took thirty or more minutes to gain full consciousness again. What had surprised her the most was that Snape hadn't left her until she was responding normally; then in an instant, he was gone, no remorse or regret on his face.

After consuming a draught of dreamless sleep, Hermione tucked herself into the thick soft covers she'd practically stolen from Hogwarts and tried to think about her job, paperwork, having breakfast with Ron and Harry, maybe even Ginny, and finding a new familiar. Over and over, she ticked off a checklist in her mind, trying to focus on anything other than Snape, but his face kept intruding, forcing her to admit that she wanted to fix him and for him to fix her.


	3. Chapter 2

Author's note: I am having fun telling this story from an angle I haven't pursued yet, but understand that the images of violence and even mentioned assault are hard for some to read. Please heed the warning that this fic can get dark. Thank you to my one follower! I promise there's more to come, three chapters more written just in edit mode.

Chapter 2

It was months before they crossed paths again in York, of all places. Sent to investigate some rather unfortunate disappearing rubbish bins, Hermione made sure to document every single detail she could in her tiny notebook, dictoquill in action; it made her feel somewhat like a nasty reporter she once knew but never mentioned who had been sacked from the Daily Prophet for falsifying data about the final battle and several of Hermione's friends and one not so friendly Professor S. The rumors of his vampire status continued, even though he was clearly not a vampire. Still, Hermione spent the day investigating stupid rubbish bins, wondering when her job had become so mundane and banal, thinking perhaps she should've listened to her parents and chosen a more exciting job. Yet, years of turmoil and tense living had taught her that having a boring job was better than almost being killed regularly. Noting the last of the homes who reported their bins missing, Hermione made sure to take a picture and then she saw instantly a face she'd dreaded and dreamt about for weeks. He was in York and there was nowhere to hide.

Before she could even anticipate apparating away, he arm caught hers, and pulled her into an alley, repeating the same forced abduction he normally did, this time his words were far more terse and he released her immediately.

"Have you learned nothing?" He asked sharply, pointing back towards the homes she had just passed.

"I have to do my job, Sir, and so far, I've not met any disgusting or deplorable men or women but you. So if you don't mind, I will continue on my way and discover who is making these ridiculous rubbish bins disappear." Taking three steps, she felt him move so quickly to block her path that she hadn't even taken a breath before he had his hands on her shoulders.

"You imbecile. I've been disturbing the rubbish bins to get your attention. Did you really think some random person was stealing bins?" His words caused her pause, forcing the wheels of her mind to turn increasingly faster. Questions flooded her brain but she couldn't articulate even one.

"You need to take a different job or move somewhere safe, you will be in danger on every assignment with the ministry and I cannot stalk you days on end. " Suddenly, she saw pity on his face. Pity for her that she'd survived as well, having to live in a world where everyone else seemed to have moved on except them, alone in an alleyway, assignment after assignment.

"Why do you continue to follow me at all? Have I not proven tolerant of your machinations? Do you somehow think that around the corner I will find my death at the hands of a madman, or do you wish to give me that sweet relief?" A sneer and sigh, she knew she'd hit a nerve, forcing him to take a step back and lean against the brick.

"I know you have a secret, something you aren't telling me or anyone else in our world and I will have it out, if I have to break every bone in your body." He lost the sneer and became the sadistic man she knew all too well, sharp-tongued and unequal in retort. Quickly, he stepped forward, his elastic arms pulling her into the death hold she'd only experienced a few times. It was broad daylight, he'd never been this bold before.

"Perhaps you are going about this the wrong way, Severus ." She replied, licking his hand as he moved it to cover her mouth, whispering a spell before silencing her and pulling them into a darkened room on the first floor of a building that looked over four hundred years old. The musty smell of the room hit her hard just as his fist did, fracturing her jaw in two places. It shouldn't had her down on her knees, the force was enough to push her through the wall directly behind her, but instead she let the blow push her over onto the filthy ground, pretending to hurt.

"Will you never learn? For the smartest witch of your age, you seem pretty irrational and illogical. It doesn't matter how many of these evil men and women you capture, more will fill in their ranks easily. Drunk on power and prestige, they will enjoy their first taste of torture and possibly death at your expense. Do you want that, Ms. Granger?" He released the silencing spell, but her broken jaw made it extremely difficult to speak. So she held it as steady as possible, using her wand to set it momentarily.

"I'm illogical and irrational, you're the one who gets off playing a sadists game with a former student, breaking my bones, tearing my muscles, except none of that has deterred me. I will continue because I have to; I was literally made for this." He saw for the first time the etched mudblood on her arm peaking out from the sleeve of her rose-colored top, fitted slightly and tucked into her khaki pants. "So why don't you just kill me, if you're so tired of being my stalker, as you put it? How about ending it for both of us?" In an instant, he was centimeters from her face, his breath warming her mouth, causing her eyes to blink rapidly.

"What would be the fun in that, I thought you enjoyed our game." His hand wrapped around her face as quickly as he'd come to be directly in front of her, pressing increasingly against her skull, forcing her eyes to meet his. Before she could even fathom or process her feelings, a tear escaped and rolled across his thumb, his mouth drinking it away as quickly as it came, and the most sadistic smile enveloped his face, causing her more alarm than she'd anticipated. He'd never seemed to enjoy their game quite as much as he did in that instant.

"When everything is gone, when our world is destroyed and all that is left are the bones of those who you've allowed to be killed, I will dance on your grave and know, emphatically, that retribution is finally mine, but until then, you will suffer, even if it means I have to teach you a lesson. every. single. time." The snapping of the same fingers he'd broken the last time, except he added more from her other hand. Retribution?

"All of this...you keep doing this because I saved you?"

"Impertinent as usual." His hands had returned to her face, he'd never broken anything on her face before aside from her jaw and nose. Fracturing her skull could potentially kill her and he wasn't quite ready for that.

"Admittedly, I should've died that day in the Shrieking Shack, but you're valiant efforts saved me, but you can't change man so easily, as you well know. No, I do this so you are prepared for what's out there, ready to tear you apart limb from limb, taking their sweet time molesting your young body." His thumb went her over lips, soft and sweet.

"You keep saying this yet here we are, and you are the only one who's ever hurt me, at least since the war, in any way that matters at least. Why is that, Severus , why are you the one always hurting me? And you aren't preparing me very well for any sexual deviants, or are you afraid you'll enjoy yourself too much." She'd never seen shock on his face, except once when Remus Lupin transformed into a werewolf in third year. He looked as though he wasn't desperately to say something, but he didn't answer, instead he released her, her hands in serious disarray and her jaw still slightly unhinged. Standing in the far corner of the room, one hand on his hip and their other stroking his chin where his goatee had been the last time they'd seen each other. His eyes flicked upwards towards her, obsidian meeting honey, willing her to look away, but she refused, desperate to show him she was steadfast and resilient.

"Like I said before, Professor, it doesn't matter what you do, I will always stand back up and continue on course. You thought I was insufferable before, just you wait." Using her wand, she reset her fingers in place and did a better job of her jaw. But suddenly, as though he had discovered what she''d been hiding. He looked her over, head to foot, surveying her every inch, but he didn't say a word, so Hermione was confused, wondering why he was suddenly so quiet.

"Get reassigned, go to America, leave Britain. You will not survive this." And with that he was gone, a warning and advice and her body no worse for wear, she'd call this tame compared to their first couple meetings. had she finally found his weakness, his own trigger. If they met again, she felt it was time he knew exactly what had really happened with Bellatrix in the Malfoy home and how, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't forget the pain nor the feeling of complete helplessness. But in some ways, she had been given a gift.


	4. Chapter 3

Author's note: I don't own anything you recognize!

Chapter 3

Hermione Made it home before dinner was ready, so she relayed her information about the disappearing rubbish bins to the two in house Aurors. They weren't aware of the continual struggle between she and one Professor S because she knew, without a doubt, that they would hunt him down and kill him. Even though there were moments when she wished Professor S hadn't survived or that she'd killed him the first time he'd broken her legs and slashed her face, there was a part of her that hoped she could someday convince him that living was worth the sacrifices he'd made and that living with her would be far better. She hadn't known exactly when it happened, when his well-being became more of a concern than retaliation or when she'd decided that perhaps, in another life, they would've suited each other quite well. But, she knew her odd feelings would amount to nothing, though they certainly clouded her judgement.

Retiring after dinner, she wrote about the day in her journal, making sure to note exactly where they'd been and what he'd broken, said, and implied in their short visit. It never failed to surprise her how quickly he was able to maneuver her around, taking her from alleyways or even storefronts, to places she couldn't have anticipated. In that, he was far more clever than she was. As before, Hermione took a strong potion for help fight any infection from the broken bones and a draught of dreamless sleep, she had thought about him enough for one day.

Three weeks later Hermione fell from the top stair of the third floor and rolled down to the second landing, breaking her ankle along the way. Her healer was shocked by the amount of breaks he found in her body, old bones healed quickly or even incorrectly, but then he noted the long history of her file, Severus had never thought to look into her medical records. Within hours, she was heading home and told to take two days off, but she didn't feel liked sitting in her home and being bored, waiting for her next inane assignment and looking through the interdepartmental memos for new job postings.

When she rounded the stairs to her room, she noticed her door was ajar. Wand out, she walked tepidly into her room, noting anything amiss as she went to the far corner, finding only her journal open and her wardrobe askew. It was then that she finally saw him, from the corner of her eye she saw his dark boots and buttoned frock.

"You're getting awfully bold, Professor." She whispered, casting muffliato on the room and slamming the door. In seconds he was at her side, noting the bracelet on her wrist.

"St. Mungos? Did you take a tumble today?" His laugh filled her room instantly, echoing from the drab wallpaper to her stained windows, forcing her to sit in her armchair, afraid for the first time. He'd been at the ministry, he'd forced her to fall down all those stairs; this was a new low.

"Didn't enjoy that, did you?" Shock, across her face, her mouth agape. It was one thing to catch her in random parts of the country or even in Europe, but to go to her place of work and commit such an act, she simply couldn't believe it.

"I'd say that's rather unfair." She replied, not knowing what to say or even how to deal with him, in her room of all places and obviously reading through her journal, or at least attempting to. Thank goodness she had charmed it with several charms.

"You upped the ante when last we met, you reminded me how recitant I have been about you. Perhaps you are right, I should just let those who want to hurt you to do so..." But she cut him off, standing and silencing him. He was baffled and as shocked as she'd been moments before. Turning her wand on him, Hermione cast a body bind and moved him onto her bed.

"Look at you now, Professor, what would Eileen Prince say about her boy now, her ickle boy, easily tempered at the hand of a witch nineteen years younger." He, of course, could say nothing, so Hermione tapped her wand against his arm, then held it against his neck.

"Maybe I will kill you, end this charade once and for all since you obviously cannot take a hint. You see," she paused, inches from his face, "I feel nothing, no bones breaking, no muscles tearing, no pleasure, no pain. When Bellatrix tortured me, she ruined something and now, nothing. When you think you're being so clever, breaking all these stupid bones, you've been doing nothing. "The processing of what she'd said hit him in waves, she could plainly see it on his face, thinking back to the many tortures. She released him, watching him cautiously sit up on her bed and stare awkwardly at her.

"I'm not in danger, in fact nothing they do would hurt me, maybe mentally but even then, nothing lasts. Unless they bleed me or kill me, I will survive." She took a seat next to him, worried as he hadn't said anything. "Our game is over, you know now." As she finished her sentence, he eyed her suspiciously, snapping her arm behind her so quickly she almost fell.

"I don't believe you." But he did, she knew he did and he was unwilling to admit that she had bested him.

"Do your worst, destroy me and you will find that I feel nothing." So he did exactly as she prompted, forcing such radical and what should have been life-ending pain on her, only to see the same blank expression on her face. It worried him, somewhat , how calm and still she was, even in the face of tortures a sane person could not tolerate.

"I told you, I feel nothing." Her tears flowed as he healed her wreck body, unable to move her arms to wipe them as he'd pulled them completely from their sockets,so she closed her eyes and hoped they'd stop. Surprisingly, she felt his fingers wiping them away, so she opened her eyes and saw different Severus , someone she never thought she'd see.

"Somehow you think this is less dangerous, but it is not. This makes everything so much worse, Hermione." He'd said it, her name, he'd never said her name before and certainly not in that tone.

"Either way, I am doing what I am made to do. If I get caught, they can do whatever they want and I won't talk, I am a perfect spy for the Ministry. Besides..." But she couldn't finish her sentence, she didn't want him to know more than he need to. He certainly didn't need to know how often she thought of him or how she worried about him, even when he was cruel towards her, as he had always been. No, those things gave him power and she wanted to have the power now.

"Here, drink this." He'd found her potions. "Adequate brew, you must've had a proficient potions master." She almost laughed at his apparent joke, wondering if perhaps she had been honest with him from the off that he would've been this different man...yet, she knew the real man was underneath those neatly worn clothes and any hint of retribution would bring him out.

"I brew all my own potions, actually, except for one."

"I doubt I want to know." He ran another scan of her body and found everything relatively healed, but for some reasoning, he wasn't bolting to leave.

"You're awfully quiet." She prodded, moving herself back to her chair. This was the longest they'd been together in a room without someone breaking something or destroying furniture. It felt odd, was odd.

"I'm processing the likelihood that you can be cured, which I find to be virtually impossible." His words hit her hard, but it was something she knew herself to be true. She knew there was little chance of gaining sensation back, but she hoped and he couldn't take that away.

"I've studied, read books from here to China and back, I've tried Eastern medicine, meditation, acupuncture. I've tried chiropractors, spells, potions...nothing. And it's ruined every relationship I've ever had, good and bad. Now you'll have no reason to stalk me and I'll have no reason to let you." His eyes snapped towards hers.

"You are not safe, my 'stalk' as you put it will never end, until you give me death, and even then who knows, perhaps I'll occupy this very room." The magnitude of his words, the devotion, it was all she could do to not hex him. Did he see it as devotion? Obsession?

"Why are you obsessed with me, Severus ?"

"Because you didn't let me die and I'm not letting you either, you can endure the horrors of this life along with me and I will ensure that there are horrors." There he was, the evil Professor S. The same sadistic smile he wore was back, except this time, there was something in his eyes, like a beacon of light shingling through the darkest black. He wasn't entirely malicious.

"And here I was under the impression you enjoyed my company." Hermione joked, her wand ready in case he chose to retaliate.

"Oh, I do, don't get me wrong, Ms. Granger, I do, but I'll enjoy it far more when..." Now it was his turn to pause, to hold his tongue. Suddenly her brain was flooded with images of her broken body, laid out before him like a buffet, writhing in agony and what appeared as pleasure as well. He had invaded her mind and so easily, perhaps she needed to work with Harry again to work on her legilimency.

"All of that, huh? I guess it would surprise you to know that others have tried, they've gone to great lengths to try and achieve what you apparently want and none have been successful. Not a single one." She saw him visibly shiver, as though the thought brought him pleasure, that others had tried to torture her into feeling. He was on his feet quickly and at her window, his ability to fly legendary from her final year.

"It will be my great endeavor." And with that he was gone. He hadn't mentioned her journal, perhaps he hadn't really tried to read it. Immediately she wrote about the evening, everything that had happened and what he'd shown her. As she finished the page and turned it to the next, she saw his handwriting, a short and simple note saying that her charms were weak, as was her mind. It made her smile, noting that even if he acted like he wanted nothing more than to see her suffer, he was watching out for her when it seemed as though no one else was, even her best friends. There was something romantic about it, optimistic and exciting, even though he would enjoy breaking all the bones in her body if he did find cure, at least he was looking.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

December came and with it winter holidays, a break from the Ministry and her job, the regular tasks becoming far more interesting since she'd been uninterrupted by her obstructive follower. She decided it was time for a real break, one that gave her peace of mind without concerned eyes.

First, Hermione went to Australia to be with her parents as things hadn't changed much since she'd put them there originally. It was still saddening to see them whenever she did visit; they didn't know who she was, so their interactions were vapid and tense. Still it made her feel good, marginally, that at least they'd been saved from the real evil that could have befallen them had they remained. Before leaving, she paid the ladies who kept an eye on the Wilkins for her and then went to an appropriate departure point, free of detection. She was so lost in thought, she never saw her favorite stalker in the brush, watching her. Somehow, in the time since their last conversation, he had become even more concerned about her well being and making sure she survived for another day, especially since she'd saved him. It wasn't that his heart was softening or that he suddenly felt differently, at least in a romantic way towards her, but he did feel protective, and that was new to him. He hated the feeling, bringing back old memories of a time when he couldn't save the one he'd meant to protect at all costs. He watched as she stood awkwardly at the port, almost baiting him to show himself, but he didn't; he had more research to do and she was a distraction.

Next, she went to Dublin, her favorite city for a laugh and the feeling of complete contentment. In her favorite flat, one she rented semiannually, she heard the gentle hum of purring, the owners cat, and whistle of the brewing tea kettle was music to her ears, gently lulling her into a peaceful place, unlikely to notice the dark figure behind her, watching from the shadows. But he was wrong, she knew he was there and simply ignored him; if he wanted to continue playing the game, she would let him, but as for her, she wanted simply to enjoy her tea and then perhaps a pint of Guinness near Temple Bar and perhaps some chips. She didn't want another long conversation or even to summon the courage to explain to him in new words what had happened and how there wasn't anything he could do, if he even wanted to try anymore.

Instead, she went about her evening, as though he wasn't there, changed for the night unabashedly, put her personal items in a small bag transfigured as per usual, and walked into the city. The River Liffey was still as she crossed over the bridge and into the area she normally walked around. Her wand ready and able, she looked around for possible problems, but noted that there were hardly any people around, certainly not someone who would try to harm her.

Strolling into Temple Bar, she took her usual stool and waited on her guinness, the luxurious, silken liquid that had far surpassed any other beer she'd ever had at her favorite bar, The Quays Bar. While she waited, a smart fellow took the seat next to her, his hair a funny red like a Weasley but his eyes were green, fiery green like jade.

"Evenin'." He offered, tipping his drink her way, she obliged, willing to let herself flirt shamelessly with the seemingly Irish man.

"Good evening, what brings you to Dublin?" She delved, her Guinness going down smoothly. It had been months since she'd had alcohol.

"Business, unfortunately, you?"

"Pleasure, for once. Are you from Ireland?" His accent said yes before he spoke. "But look at me, I have no manners, I'm Jean, it's nice to meet you." Her middle name, safer somehow.

"Kieran, and yes, I'm from Cork. I've some business with a bank." He took another drink, she watched his Adam's apple bob. He looked better every second she spoke with him.

"I'm from London, a suburb really, but there it is." They talked for another hour, both having two more pints before Hermione knew she was at her limit, soon Kieran the Irish would have to take her back to the flat whether she wanted him to or not.

"So, pleasure, huh?" Kieran teased, finishing his pale lager.

"I was wondering if you'd caught my phrasing earlier. Yes, working too many hours. It's a great escape here." Her wink caught him, it was getting easier and easier to hook and reel them in. Suddenly she thought about Snape at her flat, maybe he'd followed her or left, noting that she was fine, but she worried he'd be there when they returned because even if he hid stealthy in the darkness, Kieran might discover he was there. She didn't listen to her fears or qualms, instead she linked arms with Kieran and they left the pub, full of lager and excitement.

"My flat is just there. Where are you staying, Mr. Irish?"

"O'Connell, and the Ibis about three blocks from here. What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't make sure you got to your door safely?" She stood on her tiptoes and gave tall Kieran O'Connell a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Would you like to come up for tea? " He nodded and followed her through the door, up the two flights of stairs, and into the flat. Jersey purred as they entered and then took a seat on the sofa.

"I rent this flat every year or so, it's pretty cozy. Do you come to Dublin often?" She asked putting the kettle on.

"At least every three months, always something to do with our land." The tea kettle sounded and she brought their cups over, making sure not to spill his all over him. It was somehow awkward suddenly, so she thought to excuse herself and freshen up. But, as soon as she stood to put her glass down, she sensed him in the bedroom, watching them. Kieran hadn't acted as though he was magically imbued, so she didn't want to have to clear his memory if perhaps she had to hex her former teacher, so weighed her options; continue the evening as planned and hope beyond hope she would actually feel something for once or push Kieran out and beg forgiveness. She chose the first, she'd let him have a show.

They talked a bit more before she gave him 'the look', the one that signified she was ready for more than a nice chat and some tea. When he'd gone to the loo, she took their cups to the sink and rinsed them, hoping beyond hope that 1. Her former professor was gone and 2. that she would be able to enjoy her time with tall, freckled, and handsome Kieran O'Connell.

"You seem awfully lost in thought." He mused, his arms coming around her waist as she dried the last glass. She could feel the pressure of him, the sense of heat behind his words, and she wanted so much to explore with him. Turning in his arms, she stood on her toes to kiss him, loving the feeling of his arms around her, even if she wasn't feeling the same amorous and exciting feelings she had when she was younger, before she could even know how amazing sex could be. Taking his hand, she led him to the bedroom, leaving the door open for light and hopefully the escape of one Severus Snape .

His hands meticulously undressed her, savoring every inch of her skin before she unbuttoned his shirt and his pants, they were surprisingly aligned, as though they were old lovers completely aware of the other's actions and desires. He covered her in kisses, his mouth still warm against her cool skin, but aside from the general pleasantness of the action, Hermione felt nothing. Even if her body responded on its own to Kieran's skilled hands, she couldn't be sure she could even pretend to feel and to make sure he believed what he was doing was pleasurable.

"Gods, you're beautiful." He whispered, obviously unable to see the scars from her run in with Dolohov and Bellatrix Lestrange, not to mention the ones Severus had inflicted as well. Suddenly, she felt like crying, so to hide her tears from him, to be able to control the situation, she slowly turned him and straddled him, using a bit of her tears and saliva to make sure it wouldn't be too dry for him, but she was pleasantly surprised that it hadn't been needed.' So something works, at least.' She pondered as his hands traveled back and forth from her hips to her breasts. She brought him up to facing her as she knew he might be getting close to climax, and held him, hiding her tears and trying to enjoy the moment even if it meant only the proximity of someone who found her attractive.

When he finally reached release, he pulled her down to him and held her, his hands still exploring her body while his came down from the euphoric high. Hermione's tears finally stopped, but she was no more aware than ever that her affliction took away intimacy she craved and though having someone in bed like Kieran was an enjoyable diversion, she felt hollow.

Kieran stayed, light snores and all; as he slept, she pulled her night tee over her naked body and cuddled against him, hoping Severus had seen it all and found delight in his obsession with her. It made her think about Snape's own sexual history and perhaps how many women he'd taken, but she pushed those thoughts from her mind and tried to sleep.

When the sun finally came up, there was no hint of either man, just a sweet note from Kieran with his mobile number and address, both in Dublin and Cork, and saying he'd like to see her again. She treasured the note, but doubted she could subject herself to another date or sexual tryst with a man so normal and kind as Kieran O'Connell. So instead, she spent her day planning her next stop on her vacation in a cafe downtown; back to Edinburgh and perhaps to the highlands. Places she could hide and hopefully forget the loveliness of sleeping next to a man who'd called her beautiful.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Before leaving Dublin, Hermione did meet Kieran for another pint and tryst, giving him her mobile number and promising to call when she was back in town. There was something addictive about the natural kindness and wit of Kieran, but she knew if she had to tell him about her affliction, he would be just as confused and uncomfortable as all the others. She did take pleasant memories with her to Edinburgh and awaited another meeting with Snape, whom she was sure would have much to discuss. But Snape never showed, at least not in Edinburgh. He finally made himself known in Inverness, where it had all started. Perched on the radiator, leaning awkwardly against the wall, Hermione sensed him ten minutes into tea and reading the Daily Prophet but as before she ignored him, allowing him to make the first move.

"He could've killed you, you know." Severus spoke into the void.

"But he didn't, even with two chances. You could've left instead of watching, pervert." His head snapped towards her, obviously stunned by the implication.

"I did retreat and give you space, however not before I saw you crying all over him like a teenager confused in love. Why bother if, as you have plainly stated, you cannot feel pleasure?" Strangely he paused, coming to sit across from her in the chair. "He was right, you are a beautiful woman, even with wicked scars; admitting that doesn't make me a pervert, just a man." Had she really offended him? He who had probably ruined countless women, even dealt with years of being ridiculed by the Marauders and students at Hogwarts.

"Pervert or no, you shouldn't be sneaking into my room, especially when I have a guest. I believe that breaks the bounds of propriety, even for you. And, maybe it doesn't mean much to you, even though I can't feel pleasure, it's better than sleeping alone every night." She flipped the page of the Daily Prophet and met his state, cold and calculating.

"Do you make a habit of taking men to bed you've only talked to for one drunken evening?" Suddenly, he sounded like a father or even a jealous lover, angry over a tryst.

"Do you often sneak into young women's bedrooms and watch them undress and fornicate with other men?" His game was grating her nerves. If he wanted to teach her a lesson or even to protect her, he was going about it in an odd way. It struck her suddenly that she almost missed him breaking her bones instead of this line of questioning.

"Only you."

"Then you should know how rare an occurrence this was for me, not that it's your business at all, Severus. You are not my keeper, you know. Unless your secret desire is to be my lover, I suggest leaving my boudoir to me." Folding the newspaper, she sipped her tea and watched him formulating his reply, calculating as ever. But he didn't say a word, not for a while, he simply crossed and uncrossed his legs and leaned forward then stood, slinking over to her, snapping her out of her seat and pinning her against the wall, arms behind her back.

"Don't you wish this really hurt me; don't you wish you could break every bone." She felt him against her, his arms muscular as well as the thigh pressing her body tightly to the wall. He still didn't speak.

"Wouldn't this be better if I felt those cracking bones, Severus?" She purred his name, her mouth inches from his own. With his free hand, he pressed her face harder against the wall, his fingers tracing the outline of her mouth, her cheekbones with so many freckles , her eyebrows and stunning honey eyes. It was just as intimate to Hermione as the previous night had been, even more so. She could hardly stand the closeness of him, his hands holdings her arms so tightly, his chest and legs pressed against her, thrilling even if she couldn't feel the sexual tension she might've had she been able to.

Still, he said nothing, simply released her arms and turned her around, facing her, their faces so close she almost had to squint. It was becoming unnerving to be so close, but she oddly enjoyed it as well.

"You're really going to let me have the last word? How unlike you." She teased, almost licking his lip, so close. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he leaned into her left ear, pushing her wild curls away with his long fingers and finally said.

"What if I can cure you? How would you even survive a situation like this, Hermione? You'd feel every tight grip, every fractured bone, each turn of the screw." She didn't pause at all and replied.

"I wouldn't, because you can't cure me and even if you could, there would be no more bone breaking because the first time you tried…" But she stopped. She thought she wanted to say she'd kill him, but even the thought weakened her, almost forcing her eyes to water. Aside from Harry and Ron, he was so constant in her life, she couldn't simply let him go. It dawned on her then, so hard she almost sank against the wall: she was just as devoted to and obsessed with Snape as he was with her.

"You've strengthened your skills I see." He said, attempting legilimency. She was thankful her guard was up because he'd see her visions, the ones where they played a much different game.

"Look at me." He tempted, forcing her chin up, her eyes misty and starting to fill. "Waterworks?"

"I'll never be cured, so you needn't worry about my survival." He let her go and she slumped immediately to the ground, her hands and legs folding.

"Self-pity is a dangerous slope."

"I don't pity myself, I just want one day to feel like I once did…something,anything. Gods, I'm in my twenties and I don't even know what an orgasm feels like or sex at all, for that matter aside from pressure and emptiness. Give me a moment's reprieve to mourn ever knowing love, because no man I've ever told was willing to put up with this and none ever will. Even you, you want to fix me, what's wrong with me now. I'm a good woman, Severus." Her crying had intensified, she knew it should be embarrassing but she no longer cared, it was her truth and he needed to hear her. It wasn't in his nature to comfort, but Severus did place a hand on her knee when he joined her on the ground. Painted across his face was the exact discomfort she expected from every man she'd told, but there was still a beacon behind his eyes when they flickered to hers.

"There is nothing wrong with you, I want to fix you, as you put it, because dangerous people want to hurt you and what you have now clouds your mind with invincibility. You are presumptuous and wrong about my intentions, as usual. From the off, it has been my mission to make sure you understand what kind of man you saved. I am not good and I will never be the kind of man whom someone like you would want, so your sexual innuendo falls flat. Besides, if you can feel again, I can finally get revenge, true revenge." His lip curled as he rapidly stood and held his hand out for her.

"Now stop your crying and go home. Yaxley is staying in Glencoe hiding from aurors. And don't stop for shepherds pie or any pasties, either. I'll be watching."

"Do you ever do anything else?" She joked, wiping her eyes and hoping he would talk to her as simply and almost kindly as he had that night every time they met.

"Potions to brew and disastrous former students take all my time, unfortunately." She thought to make a joke about seeing her naked, but then thought not, she didn't want to change the tone as it had been generally pleasant. But then she decided a small joke wouldn't hurt.

"Perhaps knocking next time would be good or you know a warning, so you don't have to see my jiggly bits again." She mimicked her bouncing breasts from the night before.

"That would take all the fun out, chit." And with that, he was gone. Maybe he didn't really want her dead, perhaps mild torture turned him on or at least sated the desire he had to hurt her. He was altogether confusing and intriguing.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

It took four days for Hermione to follow Snape's instructions and go home to Grimmauld Place. She didn't want to leave Inverness or its solitude for a house filled with schoolmates and their own lives and complications. The thought of returning to the Ministry also plagued her; it had become monotonous, regardless of how much she loved trying to maintain and fight for rights of those maligned, but the bureaucracy of it all drove her to madness. It was tedious and some day that tedious work was enough, but some days she wondered what she could've been doing instead to find more fulfillment. It felt some days that they'd all peaked at the end of school, accomplishing something they could never too even if they spent their entire lives working towards the betterment of the wizarding world. Did it matter? Those thoughts consumed her as she returned home, wondering if Snape had been bluffing, what great optimism it would be if she could actually be cured.

Opening the door to Grimmauld Place, Hermione heard the cries of James Sirius Potter and met his exhausted mother at the bottom of the stairs.

"I'll get him." Hermione trudged up the stairs and peeked in on the dusty-haired boy, his large eyes swimming in tears.

"Sweet baby, James. What has you so sad?" His hands went straight to her hair, running his chubby fingers through her curls.

"No pulling your Auntie's hair, now." James quieted a bit as Hermione rocked him in the lounger and patted his sweet bum. Ginny brought in a bottle but Hermione ushered her away to sleep or rest while she took care of the baby. James was a content baby, always happy for a bottle and new nappy, and Hermione liked to help when she could, doubtful she'd ever have one of her own. As they rocked and he finished his bottle, Hermione heard the door open again, this time Ron was checking on her for dinner.

"It's my night, I thought a good stir fry." She whispered, as Ron took the empty bottle from her, holding James' shirt as Hermione changed him slowly, each movement subtle and slow, to allow him to continue sleeping as she helped him get comfier for bed.

"You're so good with him." He said over her shoulder, his hand resting gently on her, reminding her of their past, the years of struggle when Ron gave up and broke things off because she wasn't the same. It hurt her more than she'd ever care to admit, especially to him. In the long run, she knew that it would've never lasted with Ron, but all of her hopes had been dashed when he finally admitted that her affliction made him uncomfortable, that her lack of affection, in his eyes, was an impossible hurdle. Her innocence was gone at that point.

"Shocking, isn't it? I can still love despite it all." Her sarcasm was lost on Ron however, who was mooning over the baby. She rolled her eyes and set James in his crib, his soft breaths making her heart ache. Once outside of his room, Hermione ran down the stairs and started dinner, anything to get away from Ron and all the memories he'd suddenly brought back.

"James is changed and sleeping." She called out to Ginny, dozing at the table.

"You're a lifesaver; what would we do without you?" Ginny sighed, her eyes red from exhaustion.

"Your brother would have me four kids in already…" Ginny's head snapped to hers, laughing hysterically.

"Please ignore Ron, you know he still loves you."

"He ended things and honestly, well, I met someone, I think. At least it feels like I did." They sat and caught up as the rice cooked and the vegetables were chopped. Laughing about Hermione picking up someone in a bar in Dublin. She told her all about Kieran but not about Snape or her developing feelings for him.

"Is Neville eating? I didn't set a place?" Hermione asked as Harry and Ron joined them, looking famished.

"No he's staying at the Leaky Cauldron with Hannah tonight." They ate quietly, Ginny looking rather green for a minute.

"Okay, Gin?" Ron asked, stuffing his face with stir fry.

"Actually, we got some surprising news this morning." Hermione knew immediately, so she smiled the largest smile she could contrive and congratulated she and Harry, thinking about another baby Potter in the house and what that would mean for the dynamics. Maybe she needed to move finally, to strike out on her own and buy a flat, somewhere she could apparate or floo to work but not necessarily so close. It was a confusing time for her, certainly.

That night after writing about her vacation, Hermione called Kieran and talked with him for an hour or so, catching up. He was pleasant and everything she thought she'd always wanted in a man, but she knew if things continued, she would have to tell him about her past and then eventually that she was a witch, all of which would be an extremely difficult and most likely relationship ending conversation. So as she prepared for bed, she tried not to think about it, even if she wanted to find someone to settle down with as her friends had, she felt the reluctance of her condition. Instead, she let herself softly into sleep and envisioned she was still in Inverness or Dublin, and not in a room in Grimmauld Place lamenting her life choices and loneliness.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Kieran came to London for a long weekend and Hermione was determined to tell him everything, if things went badly, she would obliviate him and send him back to Ireland. They met in Leicester Square and had dinner at a sweet bistro before strolling through the streets. When it came time to tell him, before going to Grimmauld Place, which he couldn't enter without Harry's permission, Hermione could tell from his facial expression that he was extremely uncomfortable. She tried to explain her situation like a head trauma, breaking him in slowly and with terms he would understand as a muggle, but just like Ron and the other men she'd dated, he seemed rather hurt that she hadn't said anything when they'd first met.

"So you would've liked me to stop in the middle of seduction and tell you I have zero sensation? Doesn't that seem like a terrible time to say something like that? Obviously I still enjoy sex or I wouldn't keep doing it." Pushing his hands through his hair, Kieran pulled her in close, but edged away as she said, "There's more." But she never told him the rest. The look on his face immediately told her there was no hope; it was simply too much for Kieran O'Connell to take. So Hermione kissed him, have him a big hug, and went inside Grimmauld place as he walked to the Underground. Not entirely sure why she was so upset, she climbed each step wearily, belittling herself for even thinking there was a chance he would be interested once he knew she was truly flawed.

Opening the door to her room, Hermione dropped her bag and wand, making sure the silencer was cast, and plopped down on her bed. It was going to be a long night.

The next day, on her way to work, Hermione get an unexpected tug at her elbow and suddenly went through the air, landing in an abandoned building and staring suddenly into the eyes of Yaxley, his wand ready.

"You will fetch me a pretty price, one Hermione Granger." It was sinister and terrifying, the sound of his voice. He cast crucio, and Hermione feigned pain, screaming and twitching in as convincing way as possible. Her bag was thrown across the room, her wand almost within reach but she couldn't be too agile or he'd know something was up. As he broke the spell, she slinked towards it, pretending her pain was excruciating, and then suddenly it was. She heard shouting voices and an obvious fight, arms wrapped tightly around her, carrying her and then she was in her room, lying on her bed enveloped by someone, Severus, holding her tightly as ripples of pain shot through her, one tsunami after another. Each broken bone, each torn limb, she felt over and over. Her screams echoed through the room, but Snape continued to hold her tightly, his hands trying to calm the spasms as they came, but he felt helpless as she writhed in pain, her whole body shaking in terror.

"It will all be over soon, I swear." He whispered in her ear, kissing her softly on her swollen lips and wiping her tears as they fell, trying everything he could to make her feel better, including healing fraught a and calming potions. Hours passed before she had calmed enough to speak, he smoothed her hair and helped her to the loo where he undressed her and placed her in a warm bath, cleaning every inch of her as she sat almost lifeless against the porcelain. The tears did not stop, but suddenly he saw relief in her eyes, whatever Yaxley had cast had rewired her brain and brought back all the sensations she'd lost at the hands of Bellatrix LeStrange.

When she was clean and wrapped in a soft robe, he placed her back in bed but Hermione refused to let him leave her, pulling him into bed with her.

"I'm filthy, you don't want me on your sheets." He tried to reason, but she had none of it. As he unbuttoned his shirtwaist, she watched him, biting her lip slightly and reaching for him. Any resolve he might've had before that evening was gone. Any time he'd thought of her in such a way, he'd chastised himself cruelly for being so weak, but next to him on that bed, he didn't feel weak, he felt oddly connected and for the first time in ages, useful.

"I'll hold you while you sleep, close your eyes." But Hermione didn't want to sleep, she wanted to hold him and feel the nearness of him against her.

"You have gone through a traumatic experience, Hermione, I couldn't possibly…" But she cut him off with a kiss, one that deepened with each sigh and moan from him, her hands in his hair, pulling her close to him. Tears began flowing again as she felt the excitement within herself and against him. He pushed the edge of her robe off her shoulder and claimed it with his mouth, giving in completely to her prompting.

"You shouldn't start something you cannot finish, temptress. Say one word and I will leave, I will not take advantage of you." It was the only time a paused that night, looking into her eyes so deeply she was sure he saw her soul.

"I've been waiting for ages for you, so there's no advantage to be taken here. Shut up and kiss me." And he did, many times before she finally understood what it meant to truly have congress with someone, to feel true ecstasy, and in the morning, four days later, true loss as Severus was gone, their tete-a-tete had come to a sudden end. Their four days were spent mostly in Hermione's room and intermittent trips downstairs for snacks and lunch, once for more tea and another for chocolate, but the remainder of their hours were spent in close embrace, Hermione's aftershocks almost worse than the initial curse. The night before their last, not that she had known it would be the last, Snape pushed her hand a bit too hard against the headboard and bruised it so violently that it appeared in seconds, and though it hurt, Hermione didn't mind as much in the situation. She didn't view his rough nature as a character flaw.

That night, she didn't remember falling asleep that night but only the movement of his body in and against hers, the pain and ecstasy, and the true anger and agony of her pain set in. He'd stayed, sneaking around Grimmauld Place for days, and then disappeared as quickly as he'd shown up. It broke her heart, though she knew him to be callous and snide most of the time. He was simply gone. She had no idea how much worse she would feel a few months later.


	9. Chapter 8

**AN: Since this fic is primarily from HG's pov, I thought I would add in here that what HG does not know is that SS has been seeing a therapist for his issues, primarily the PTSD and his need/desire to hurt her. I will go back eventually and make sure this is more clear so that what happens in this chapter and in the ending doesn't seem so unlikely/unhealthy. Thanks for reading!**

 **Chapter 8**

Hermione felt the first signs of illness six weeks after her awakening. Harry and Ron were dispatched to detain and take Yaxley to Azkaban, where he stood trial and was sentenced to life in prison; she hoped he'd be killed by his fellow inmates. The Potters and Weasleys were happy to hear, that despite the circumstances, she was finally cured of her affliction, though Ron saw this as an open invitation to try and date again, which she flatly refused. She might not have noticed her queasy feelings had she not been around Ginny during the time; it was a momentary panic when she went to see her healer and was told emphatically that she was pregnant and would've been wise to have paid better attention to her cycle as an unmarried woman. She hoped, slightly that Kieran was the father because at least he was somewhat normal and seemed the kind to want a child, but she knew when the healer revealed how far along she was that there was no doubt that Severus Snape was the father. This did nothing to assuage her feelings or to make her heartache a little less complicated. Hermione doubted with that she'd see Snape again; the game was over.

At eighteen weeks, Hermione told Ginny about everything, swearing her to secrecy. She knew she'd need an ally considering that she'd be a single mother since she couldn't find Severus anywhere and didn't know how to contact him. Plus, it would harder to hide her pregnancy as she started showing.

"He really used to break your hands? And more? And you want to find him?" Ginny was flabbergasted.

"It's more complicated than that, I swear. But regardless, I'm pregnant and I want this child, even if the timing is terrible and I'm sure I'll be a hopeless parent." Ginny have her a quick hug, both women crying. When she told Ron and Harry, they were less than excited, specifically Ron who implied she was a loose woman. She and Ginny agreed telling them Kieran was the father made everything easier, at least for the time being, but it felt odd to Hermione, so she refused and told them the father was someone inconsequential.

A week later, Hermione finally came across Snape in a pub in York. She hadn't even intended to go into the pub originally, but she suddenly had a craving for chips and decided to stop in. His eyes were cold when she first saw him, so she turned immediately from the door and left. Emotionally, she couldn't handle a typical conversation between them and didn't want to fight.

"Running away?" He called out to her, snatching her arm as Yaxley had done. The moment brought everything back, the agony and relief.

"You're one to talk." He snapped her around and held her tight like he normally would, pressed against the cool brick she found less than comforting this time, terrified any pain or spike in adrenaline would hurt the baby. So she fought back, but he was much stronger.

"We had your way, now I want it my way." But Hermione's resolve kicked in.

"I don't want it this way, running into you randomly and having a quick shag, and we're on our way. You know I enjoy your particular brand of seduction, but I need something more consistent." She yelled at him, her voice quivering slightly as he put pressure on her neck.

"Consistent?" He questioned, kissing her neck, running his hands up and down her arms. It was too much, she felt it too deeply. Hormones or not, Hermione had to be honest.

"Yes, consistent, you know, like I have an idea where you live and I see you on a somewhat normal basis, or maybe even a forwarding address. Like i know if you're still alive, getting help, something." He snorted against her ear, pausing in his kisses along her neck.

"That sounds downright domestic."

"Not domestic, just consistent. You can't blame me for wanting you, you know." She teased, his hand trailing over her right breast, she could've easily gotten away if she tried at that point, but she didn't. Her mind was too focused on keeping him from feeling the beginning fullness of her belly, the child he'd help create.

"Come with me." He whispered seductively, his hand in hers and she followed. His rented flat was similar to Spinner's End in that it was dark and full of books, old relics from an age past. She rather liked the look of it and felt comfortable as soon as she stepped in. Her heart beat wickedly against her chest as he continued his seduction; she knew she needed to tell him, but she just couldn't.

That afternoon, he didn't comment on her rounded belly or the darkening of her nipples, he simply took her and she let him, knowing it would probably be the last time. When she woke the next morning, her task for the Ministry still not completed, she left him a note asking him to stop being a stranger, but she felt the goodbye in his kiss when she woke him slightly as she left. Perhaps he could never be that close to someone again after the war or perhaps he really wanted revenge but felt compelled to let her go in lieu of hurting her. Either way, Hermione knew that she had to avoid seeing him again, so she did. She avoided all of the places he'd normally be and for months that worked perfectly. Six weeks before she was due, Ginny went into labor and produced another stunning Potter boy, whom they named Albus Severus at Harry's specific demand. It hurt her heart to think of Severus at such a time, so much so that that evening she checked herself into St. Mungos in early labor and though they tried to stop the contractions, Roseana Jean Granger-Snape was born, tiny and frail, but loud and thriving, the hyphen of her name made public to no one. The moment Hermione saw her, her dark hair and solemn brow, she knew she'd made the right choice.

"Oh sweet Rose, I'm going to cover you in kisses." Hermione held her bundled baby, still in a halo for oxygen and cuddled her close, her perfect mouth and cheeks, her long fingers just like Severus's.

"She's lovely." She heard Harry say, bringing her balloons and some dinner, kissing Rose's sweet forehead and then Hermione's. It felt odd and overwhelming to have her at all.

"How's Ginny?" She asked, placing Rose in the bassinet so she could eat.

"Great, sleeping and shocked that Rose is so early. I'm back to take them home, actually. Do you want me to send Ron or Neville? You shouldn't be here alone." But Hermione said no and sent Harry to be with his wife and child. She spent the rest of her night staring at Rose, watching her little chest rise and fall with the halo, feeding when she could and pumping in the meantime, though not much came out since she'd been so early. They went home with pamphlets of instructions two days later and Hermione was shocked to find Harry and Ron had outfitted the room next to hers as a girl's nursery. Between the Potter boys and her Rose, Grimmauld Place was rarely quiet, but she never felt alone in her struggle to take care of Rose. Ginny and Molly were a fount of advice and knowledge, so they were soon into a routine. It wasn't until Rose was six months old that Hermione returned to work, leaving Rose with Ginny for part of the day and working from home when she could.

A month after returning to work, Hermione was sent to Wales to review some new legislation regarding portkey residue in the air and came across a familiar face. She'd sensed him when she first stepped into The Prancing Pony, but tried to ignore the feeling. It was unlike him to be in Wales, after all. When she finished meeting with the committee leaders, she took a stroll down to the coast, and finally made eye contact with him, he was back into his old tricks. He looked as good as ever, better even and she felt like a leaky cow. Her emotions got the best of her as he eyes filled with tears; in a flash she was gone and back at Grimmauld Place, her room with new wards against unwelcome visitors. She couldn't see him again, sleep with him and not tell him about her precious Rose, but she wanted to desperately. It didn't matter how disturbing things were between them, that she knew what they were doing, had done, was completely mental. Somehow, over the years their odd game had meant so much more to her than she'd admitted, she missed the excitement and surprise, but she missed Severus more than she cared to admit. And the knowledge that she'd craved him, the destruction he brought with him, finally scared her for the first time.

If he had tried to break her wards, she didn't know. That night she tended to Rose and wrote about the day, nursing her beautiful girl to sleep and putting her in the crib, she wanted to feel his presence near her, but he didn't break though or hadn't tried. Instead, she went to bed alone and listened for Rose's deep breaths and usual cry at around two am. She would've never had Rose without him, but she couldn't imagine Rose with him, he just didn't seem wired for the father figure.

((())))

When Rose was a year old, she thought she saw him in Cornwall, leaning against a stone building, watching her. It was unnerving; she'd been avoiding him for so long, but what if he had been following her all that time? Cocking her head to one side, she watched him and thought about their history and the daughter she had at home. Before she could think to move he was behind her, forcing her down an alleyway, his favorite move.

"You've been avoiding me." His words stung her, forcing her to wince as he held her arms against the wall. She could've kicked his privates if she wanted, he hadn't done anything to her legs this time.

"I haven't been avoiding you, but I certainly wasn't seeking you out." He manipulated her face with his mouth, forcing her to turn away from him as he whispered in her ear.

"Are you afraid?" When she nodded, he laughed, as sinister as he'd been in the beginning. Seeing her shaking did nothing to calm his desire, but when she looked at him, her brown eyes meeting his onyx, he saw fear he'd never seen in her before.

"If you're going to take me somewhere, take me. " She suddenly said, not fighting against him or even attempting to get away.

"Hmmm...you're acting rather odd." He was goading her, trying to rile her up as he normally did, but she felt overwhelmed by his touch, the only other to touch him aside from their daughter. It took everything she had not to cry in front of him thinking about the terrible situation she was in, wanting nothing more than for him to know her. Something finally clicked in his brain, something finally told him that hurting her was not okay and that what he'd done to her was wrong.

"I haven't seen you for over a year, Severus and I'm not used to playing your game anymore. Perhaps you need to show me." But the fear in her voice did nothing but cause him pause, he'd never seen her so submissive before.

"Perhaps not." And he let her go, walking quickly away. He could no longer hurt her like he had before, he could no longer fathom breaking even the tiniest of her bones, and for the first time since it had all started, the weight of guilt hit him. He'd done deplorable things to her, things he'd not even done under the tutelage of Voldemort and he'd done it while he was free. Before apparating away, he almost vomited, but he didn't want her to see nor to know how much he hated himself far more than he'd ever hated her.

"Wait, I need to tell you…" But he apparated before she could finish her sentence. Hermione fell against the wall in tears, her wrists already showing bruises from his grip. When she finally got home that night, she cradled Rose in her arms and cried, feeling guilty and angry.

(((())))

Rose and Albus grew like weeds, each milestone met almost together, their faces and forms becoming less baby-like and more like the young people they'd become. Sometimes she wondered where some of Rose's features came from, a particularly odd shade of blue-violet eyes that certainly did not come from her family, and dimples. Of course her nose was littered with tiny freckles and her personality immediately the bossy leader of the group, even though James was the oldest he rarely said no to little Rose. Albus tried to stand up to her every now and then, but Rose typically got her way.

On the day of their second birthday, Hermione went into the village and picked up a few last minute items for their little party. She didn't sense him at first, her senses less attuned to him in the year and a half that had passed, but he watched her from across the store and then met her at the door.

"Up to no good?" She heard from behind her, almost dropping her bags as it was a sound and tone she knew immediately.

"Hello, Snape." But she didn't stop walking, her steps taking her further and further from him, unable to meet his eye or let him see her worry. She hadn't seen him since Cornwall and wasn't expecting to.

"Running away?" He caught her then, but she snatched her arm away and turned around swiftly. She didn't know how much he'd changed in a year, how much work he'd put into being the kind of man she would want to end up with and not the demon he'd become when she saved him.

"I don't have time for this today, okay?" She apparated away, but not realizing he grabbed her as she did. They landed in the garden of Grimmauld Place.

"What the hell are you doing? Over a year has passed and I can't…" Her voice carried through the topiary, her bag on the ground with birthday hats and candles strewn about.

"Always with demands." He whispered, looking odd in a white shirt, buttoned haphazardly and loosely tucked in his typical black pants, his eyes secretly pleading with her to let him explain, to let him tell her how incredibly sorry he was that he'd ever hurt her.

"Demands?" But she didn't finish her sentence as Rose came running into the garden, her raven curls sunkissed and bouncing as she ran, her arms stretched out to Hermione.

"Mummy, Alby took my name off the cake." Rose cried, in broken toddler speak. Hermione didn't have time to see the shock playing on Snape's face, the ultimate recognition of the little girl before him, and as though the entire year of therapy hadn't happened, he immediately felt his pulse quicken, his blood run cold and he wanted to flee.

"We'll fix it, Rose, I promise. Albus didn't mean to mess up the cake, he was just excited. It's not everyday you turn two, is it? Dry your tears, poppet. " Hermione kissed her cheeks and wiped her tiny tears, propping her on her hip and using her wand to put everything back in the bag. Snape hadn't said a word, only stood and watched as his mind tried to process the little girl who looked so much like his mother.

"I'm sorry, Severus, I have a party to attend." With that, Hermione walked into Grimmauld Place, leaving one very confused Severus Snape amongst the topiary, fighting within himself to figure out whether he should charge through the door or wait, so he transfigured one of the buckets at the door into a bench and sat while he thought, as day turned into night. He heard the door open and saw Hermione ringing out a couple of towels. He'd thrown up twice.

"You're still here?" She called out, seeing his obvious distress. Rose peaked around her leg at him, waving slightly at him, one finger at her mouth, in thought.

"Mummy, is he coming in?" Hermione patted Rose's head and motioned her inside, the towels laid out to dry.

"You're welcome, if you want to come in. Rose goes to bed in about thirty minutes and then we can talk." He nodded, walking up to her, the complete absence of a sneer or snide remark, instead he was solemn.

Rose bounced up the stairs in front of them and in the distance he heard what he assumed were the Potter boys rampaging a nursery. Harry and Ron passed them on the stairs and for once Ron kept his questions to himself. When they finally made it to Hermione's room, it struck her suddenly that Snape hadn't been there since she was cured and Rose conceived.

"Rose, did you have a perfect birthday?" Hermione asked, changing Rose into her nightclothes and brushing her hair softly with the same brush from her own childhood, watching as Rose softly rubbed her eyes and nodded. Severus watched from the door as Hermione read to Rose, then kissed her and enchanted the ceiling to be the night sky with shooting stars and comets. For good measure, she kissed her again and tucked her in tightly before going through the door back to her room and meeting whatever unpleasantness Severus had for her.

"Look, I know you…" He stopped her and sat swiftly in the chair, casting a silencing spell and the sneer returned.

"How could you keep this from me?" He chided, his voice so foul she was sure he might curse her.

"And when was I supposed to tell you? When you caught me in York? When I was already twenty weeks pregnant and terrified? Or Cornwall, when you slammed me against a wall and when I tried to tell you, you disappeared. You act like I had so many opportunities to owl you or turn up, like you would've reacted with such happiness you would've begged me to be part of my life and hers. I asked you for more and you didn't want more, pardon me for assuming that included a child." Hermione lost it, all the annoyance and anger from the last years boiled up.

"She looks like my mother." He whispered, her tiny face playing in his mind like a movie, bringing both of their moods down.

"I wondered where those eyes came from. She also has your contemplative look and surly attitude, at least in the morning. And she's dead clever…" But she stopped, her heart overflowing with love for her tiny girl. If she'd thought for a second he would ever want to be a parent or to be with her, she wouldn't have hesitated in telling him everything.

"I almost told you, the night at your flat, but you can't honestly say you would've been happy." He huffed, tapping his fingers on the edge of the chair; his random noises the only hint of his feelings. Hermione sat with him in the quiet and listened for Rose's breathing, still worried she'd somehow disappear while she slept.

"You should have told me, regardless of your apparent cowardice. Happiness is fleeting, I would've helped you in spite of my personal feelings or our," He paused, his fingers ceased tapping and he forced her to look at him, "relationship. When you were cured, I didn't stay away because I didn't want you; I am not a good person, Hermione, I wanted to hurt you and I couldn't once you were cured."

"Did you ever consider my feelings on the matter?" She threw one of Rose's washcloths across the room at him, annoyed that he was suddenly trying to be chivalrous in some way.

"The way you acted in Wales, like I'd hit you with a curse, I guess I should've followed you as I normally did."

"Rose was six months, I was leaking everywhere and it took everything I had not to fall apart. She barely slept through the night then and I'd just gone back to work, facing scrutiny because I had a child out of wedlock, like this is the 1900s. And there you were, her father, and I wanted to share her with you but, seven hells." There was a shriek from Rose's room, so Hermione jumped in full alert, her wand out and opened the door swiftly to see James and Albus jumping on Rose's bed.

"Get down right now, James Potter. You and Albus should be in bed; Rose was fast asleep." Ginny came through the door just as Hermione pulled the boys down, each grabbed one and carted them over to their room, barring them from being able to exit. When Hermione returned to Rose, she was propped up on her stomach pretending to read a book to Severus. Her tiny fingers went over the lines, creating a story as she went.

"Mummy, about the dragon. Uncle Harry and eggs." Hermione pulled Rose on her lap and detailed the events of the first task of the Triwizard Tournament in her third year and watched as her large eyes sleigh closed. She repeated her kisses and tuck, then bewitched her door closed so no toddler Potters could come through. It took only moments for Severus to return to his brooding across from her in the chair.

"I'm not going to ask you for anything, being in her life is a choice. It doesn't have to involve me, beyond the common courtesy of my being her mother." But he stopped her.

"That's the crux, though, isn't it. I'm a deplorable person and we've produced an innocent." And he was at her side, running his thumb over her lips and stopping only to trace the edge of the scar he'd given her.

"Why do you let me do this to you? I'm seriously deranged and here you are, with that little girl and I want nothing more than to take you with me to York." She kissed him softly, pushing his hair behind his ears and forced him to look at her.

"You were prepared, no, desperate to die, and I took that from you. And now, I've done it again because Rose is yours and mine, and she's brilliant. She's all the parts of you I love, even with all this." She pointed to the scars and jagged bones, the breaks still oddly healed from many years of wear. "I am not asking for more now, Severus, but if you want Rose in your life, it's all or nothing, you can't be a parent who shows up once a year."

"How could I ever deny her?" His shy reply caught Hermione off guard, sure he would say that his life was too complicated to include a child.

"Ron and Harry have suspicions, but only Ginny really knows. Her legal name is Roseana Granger-Snape, though when Minerva wrote me about her after her first birthday, she said the scrolls at Hogwarts had her as Rose Snape, and that letter was certainly an interesting one to read." She laughed against him as he pulled her into the seat with him.

"Yes, I'm sure when she saw Snape, she was utterly shocked." He felt the bile rising again, like he might vomit again, and suddenly he knew she needed to know how sorry he was, how disgusted he was with himself.

"I'm surprised her reply wasn't a howler." Hermione joked, wishing he didn't smell so nice or seem so cordial. Without thinking about it too much, Hermione nibbled his earlobe, pressure and softness, then met his mouth again, begging him for more. It took everything she had not to tear his clothes off.

"Wait, there' s something I must tell you. I've...I'm..." He paused, running his thumb across her lips again, his eye watching as she surveyed his face. "Can you ever forgive me? I've done things to you that no human should have endured, regardless of your affliction. How could you ever want me?" Hermione was almost shocked by his words, but she hadn't gotten the same help he had and though she knew on some level that what they'd been doing was wrong, she still craved him.

"We can forgive each other, Severus." And though he should've known she was just as deranged as he was, he ignored the impulse to stop himself.

" _ **Muffliato**_!" He whispered, his wand flick so precise and measured, just like him.

"This going to hurt." He added, putting pressure on her hips as she moved to straddle him. He wasted absolutely no time with her clothes, simply spelling them off like he had before and took her against the chair, this was not the kind and gentile Severus she'd known after she could feel again, it almost felt like punishment for all that he'd discovered that day. It should've bothered her, but it didn't. His rough touch was a welcome distraction from her anxiety and unwelcome celibacy. It hit her hard how much she'd missed him, his naughty words and games. When the room had been all but destroyed, he showered with her then left, promising he'd be back in the morning. But, Hermione didn't hold on to hope, regardless of his apparent curiosity and responsibility regarding Rose, part of her doubted she'd see him again.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Severus Snape returned at eight am as Hermione was drowsily waking up with an exuberant Rose ready to play with new birthday toys and have breakfast. Pulling her hair back, she took Rose down the stairs and saw that Ginny had brewed tea and made scones. She didn't expect to see Severus chatting with Harry at the end of the table. Rose ran over to Harry and hugged his leg, meeting James and Albus at the middle of the table where they had sticky buns and oatmeal for breakfast.

"How is it already morning?" Ginny chuckled, as Hermione poured her tea, feeling watched by the two in deep conversation. She took a seat across from Snape and next to Ginny, unable to function without her caffeine.

"Shacklebolt is sending us to Blythe before the end of the week, something about some recently sold items care of the Malfoys. Draco isn't involved, but Lucius is back under watch." Shop talk.

"Perhaps this time Kingsley will heed my warning and raid the entire manor, unannounced, he acts as though Lucius still has friends in the Ministry." Ron straggled through the door, the look of hangover written all over his face and slumped against the table. The Potters and Rose saw this as an opportune time to tickle him.

"Rose, Uncle Ron has a headache, eat your breakfast, we're going to Hogsmeade today." Hermione advised, her tiny girl stopping and furrowing her brow, her lip curled in a sneer as she sat to eat. Hermione locked eyes with Snape, who finally saw the look Hermione had mentioned the night before. Wordlessly, Hermione mimed, 'I told you.' And he nodded, his own mouth forming a master grin; it pleased him that Hermione was dealing with her own knowitall but with a Snape attitude.

"We're headed to the Burrow later today for games and tea, if you'd like to come." Ginny offered, ready to let James and Albus run free in the meadows around the house. Plus, Granny Weasley loved seeing her boys.

"Perhaps, I know I need to get Rose some new underoos and probably some shoes, so I might go to Hogsmeade and catch up with Minerva. She said she needed to speak with me about something with Professor Durden, the new Muggle Studies professor." Snape's attention turned to her, as though he had wanted to accompany or had something else in mind.

"Well stop by if you have a chance, I'm taking the boys so they can stay with Mum and Dad while I cover the Chudley Cannons this weekend."

"I'll make sure to owl if we can't make it. I don't want Molly to expect Rose and then not see her, I don't need a howler today." They laughed, sipping their tea and nibbling at their scones.

"So no one thinks it's weird that Snape is sitting here for breakfast. Just me? Alright!" Ron's voice broke their laughter, his tone nasty and rude. Hermione wasn't surprised at his behavior, least not when he had been drinking the night before.

"It's not weird at all, mate, he works with us at least every other mission." Harry reflected, and then pointed at Albus. "And my son bares his name, you know." Hermione was thankful to Harry for defending Snape, even if she herself hadn't been so knowledgeable about Snape working with them so often. No wonder it was hard to track him down.

"Well I still think it's weird and probably weird for her, too." Rose turned to look at Ron, who had never used a tone as such in her presence before. She stepped off her chair and walked to his side, putting her delicate hand on his arm and beckoned him to her.

"Are you sad, Uncle Won?" She asked, in her sweet voice, and Ron couldn't resist bringing her into a hug. Her soft curls cascaded across his arms as she tickled him again, so he kissed the top of her head and set her back down.

"I'm not sad, Rose, just not feeling well." Hermione wanted to thump him, but instead she reached out for Rose as she ran passed.

"Here's my sweet girl, come here and let me braid your hair before we get ready for the day." It dawned on Hermione that she did need to explain to Rose who Severus was, but she wanted him to take that task, to engage himself with her and begin building a relationship.

As she gently braided her hair, she caught Snape's eye again, a look of understanding crossing between them. As he and Harry needed their conversation, Snape came with her up the stairs.

"Would you like to accompany us?" She asked, but she could see the last thing Snape wanted to do was shop for underoos and shoes.

"If I must, but I think we should talk to her first, about me. She has to wonder who I am."

"She's pretty wonderful with strangers, but she is rather curious, and I agree she needs to know, especially what you want her to know you as." Snape looked a bit uncomfortable, but as Rose came through Hermione's bedroom door, he crouched down to her.

"I'd like her to know me as her father, say two years ago when she was born." But he wasn't being cruel, he was simply stating a fact. "But, as it is, I don't want to be a father like mine, I won't." His earnest answer surprised her

"Rose, come here." Hermione beckoned, Rose running over to Severus and hoping on his knee as best she could.

"What's your name?"

"Severus, Severus Snape and I'm your father, Rose." He answered, her hands now playing at the buttons of his shirtwaist.

"Like Albus?" He nodded, his heart beating rapidly against his chest; why was he so nervous? Had she heard at all that he said he was her father?

"Yes, just like your…" he looked to Hermione. What did she call James and Albus. "Cousin." Hermione interjected, watching Rose get more comfortable with Severus.

"Well, hello. Da like Uncle Harry?" She cheered and kissed his cheek and he nodded.

"Yes, dad like your Uncle Harry, but you can call me what you'd like, you know. My dad was called Pop, and your mum calls her dad, Daddy." Severus held her tightly to him and stood, pulling something from his breast pocket and showing it to her.

"Me?" Rose asked, looking at a picture of Eileen Snape.

"No, this is your grandmother, Eileen. She has the same eyes as you, see." Hermione peered over his shoulder and was shocked to see so much of Rose in Eileen.

"Pretty." Rose giggled, tracing the lines of Eileen's face and then Severus's. "Granny? I see her?"

"No, I'm sorry she is no longer here. But, I have more pictures I can show you. Here, look at this one." It was Snape as a child with Tobias and Eileen, such a look of optimism and wonder on his face.

"Boy? Is you?" Severus nodded, showing her the four pictures he had of him and his parents, the only ones he had with him before Tobias ruined their lives with alcoholism and Eileen wasted away.

"Granny Helen likes pie; you like pie?"

"Yes, my favorite is pumpkin."

"Me too! With cream." Rose showed Hermione the pictures and then hugged Severus tight and hopped down.

"I hope you have copies of those."

"Of course, but I thought it might help if she saw them."

"I'll put them in the frame by her bed." He took her hand and pulled her in for a kiss, tugging her pony tail slightly as he did.

"It's a small step, I don't want to overwhelm her." But Rose ran back in and out the pictures on Hermione's desk, carrying her little bag.

"It's a great start and you don't have to go shopping or to the Weasleys, it'll be a mundane 'domestic' day."

"Thank the gods. Besides, we still have much to discuss, like Weasley's that outburst this morning and this living situation." Rose tugged her pant leg, stopping Hermione from giving Snape the surprised look she couldn't avoid otherwise.

"Mummy, can we go?" Hermione nodded and took her little hand.

"I'll owl when we get back, okay?" But Severus stopped her.

"I'll just come back later, is that agreeable?" Hermione followed Rose down the stairs as Severus disapparated, catching Ron still at the table.

"Thanks for that." She smacked the back of his head as she walked by, but he didn't respond. She and Rose flooed into the Three Broomsticks shortly thereafter, but Minerva was too busy to meet that day so they shopped and then went to the Burrow where she was spoiled like her cousins and loved as family.

True to his word, Snape was waiting for Hermione when she returned, napping in her lounge chair as Rose ran through and hugged his leg.

"Look." Rose showed him her new shoes, stockings, and underoos. He was surprised at how easily she accepted him, even if he hadn't quite figured out what that meant or how he would adjust to fatherhood.

"Oh look, underoos. Those are for little girls to wear and not to show, Rose." Severus joked, pulling her onto his lap and tickling her sides.

"She's two." Hermione teased, taking Rose's bag to her room and calling Rose.

"I don't want a tart for a daughter, whether she's two or twenty." Hermione rolled her eyes and helped Rose change into her pajamas, rebraiding her hair and washing her face. Before getting her story, Rose waved to Severus and motioned him over.

"Pictures." Snape took the frame next to her bed and put the pictures in, transfiguring the spaces to fit them. He told her again who they were and then added, "and that's me when I was five, next to your grandmother Eileen, she loved to eat pies, too. This is your grandfather, Tobias, he did not like pies, in fact, he didn't like sweets at all, can you imagine?" She giggled, as his inflection changed; Hermione wondered what his classes would've been like had he actually joked with them every now and then.

"Mummy, tell me about dragon at Hagger's." It was Snape's turn to roll his eyes.

"Seriously?" He mouthed, but Hermione launched straight into the tail of Norbert's hatching, keeping Rose's full attention. When she'd gotten sleepy enough, Hermione kissed her and tucked her in as usual, but Rose refused to let her hand go.

"Mummy, don't let Alby and James in." Hermione charmed the door before charming the ceiling again and pushing her covers up again.

"They cannot come in, dearie, so it's time for rest, remember they are at Granny Weasleys. "

"Sevrus," she huffed and then said, "Da, kisses." He acquiesced, kissing her sweet cheeks and then her forehead, then followed Hermione into her bedroom.

"So, there were words we needed to share?" Hermione said, flopping on her bed, exhausted from a day of shopping and spending time with the Weasleys, always fun but so exhausting.

"Yes, Mr. Weasley, what was that?" He asked, in one of her chairs, watching her as she propped herself up on her elbows.

"You know the story, he broke up with me because he couldn't handle what happened and as soon as I was cured, there he was, begging me to take him back, how stupid he was...but we're completely wrong for each other, whatever I saw in him at one time has been completely replaced by the same feelings I have for Harry, except not exactly, there's animosity there." It was harder for her to talk with her hands while she propped herself up.

"And now, he knows of course about you and me, at least so far as Rose, and he's being spiteful."

"Understandable, you'd be in therapy for the rest of your life if you married that one." She shyly smiled at him, sure he was right and feeling more tired by the moment.

"As for this housing arrangement, I'd thought about getting a flat before Yaxley hit me with that countercurse or whatever it was, but then Rose came and I was worried I'd mess her up terribly. I already helped with James so often, it just felt right to stay. And now it's all Rose has known." Her eyes closed for a second as she finished, then snapped open as he shifted in the seat, eyeing her as he had so many times before in a dark alleys or across a cobblestone street. He looked ravenous, like a hungry wolf eyeing his prey. It unnerved and excited her beyond measure.

"I want something more consistent." He said breathily out of nowhere, pulling her up against him as he crawled onto the bed, pulling her hair back and claiming her neck.

"Would you be agreeable to that?" He asked, his hands traveling her spine and then grasping her hips.

"What does that mean?" Her words escaped before she even knew she'd said them, but she didn't regret admitting that she wanted to know exactly what he meant.

"More...I've never thought I would have a child, actively tried not to for twenty-five years or more, but how could I not now that she's here, or at least real to me. And I know us, me, I won't be able to leave you alone if we are trading custody. But," he ran his index finger across her jawline, "that doesn't mean my predilections will change, I want to hurt you and I want you to enjoy it." Her eyes widened as he pulled her wrist behind her back, enough pressure to cause irritation, but not enough to harm her. His words excited her but at the same time, she worried: what if he decided in a month or more that it was all too much?

"I'm agreeable, but I will say, that regardless of me, if you choose to continue in Rose's life, please don't stop. She is tender-hearted, you've seen it, I don't want her heartbroken because her Da hasn't come to see her." Hermione fell into a sitting position as Snape moved behind her, massaging her shoulders, neck and head, his left hand dipping eventually below the neckline of her shirt and moved slowly in her bra, grasping her breast as he littered her neck with kisses.

"What can I do to assuage your fears, Hermione? I don't shirk responsibility and I always do what I say I will." Hermione looked at their reflection in her mirror, how she wanted him to truly mean what he was saying.

"You don't have to do anything but be in her life, Severus, it's all I ask of you." He paused, hearing the pain and hurt in her voice, as though at any moment she would cry. Turning her around to him, he pushed her face up to his.

"Give me more credit than that, you may not have before but I swear if you'd told me originally, things would've been remarkably different. How about this," he said, kissing her between words, "let's figure out a new living arrangement, you do so love York." Not to let her feel him too romantic, he bit her lip slightly as his last kiss fell on her mouth.

"When you think Rose is ready for that, I mean." He added and made Hermione's breath hitch, he actually wanted her to live with him.

"We're going to need strong locks, that one is more clever than you know and I don't want her walking in on you practically breaking my legs. But, you're right, in time. I don't want to rush you and have you hex me for slurping my tea." With that, he continued what he started and stayed the night, sleeping as he normally did with his body either enveloped around her, like a thermal blanket or completely on the edge of the bed, practically falling off.

When he finally woke, rubbed his eyes and rolled toward her, he saw Rose staring at him from across Hermione in the floor, so he beckoned her over and put her between them, snuggling her as she hugged Hermione.

"You're spoiling her already." Hermione grumbled, turning toward them and giving Rose kisses. He didn't reply, simply held Rose tight and the put his arm around both of them.

"Breakfast?" She asked, stretching as Rose rubbed her eyes and stood between them to jump off the bed.

"It's my turn to cook, so I'll see you downstairs, old man."

"Old man? I'll show you old man." He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back into the bed, holding her down against the mattress and staring into her eyes. Her laugh filled the room as he nibbled her neck and she wrestled herself away.

"I like my tea with honey, you know." He added.

"The come make it, loaf." He paused momentarily, the weightless feeling of contentedness making it hard for him to leave the warmth of her bed.

Ron was silent that morning as they were the only three at the table, Ginny and Harry in Cornwall and Neville now secured at the Leaky Cauldron. Rose finished her breakfast first and went to the library to look at the books while Hermione cleaned and waited on either Snape or Ron to trade barbs. Finally, Ron spoke.

"So, you'll be living here now?" He prodded, taking the last sip of his English Breakfast.

"Although I have now been to breakfast two mornings in a row, that does not constitute an address change. Last I checked, I lived in York, in a flat across from the Mad Hatter and Livermore Lymes. Furthermore, unless Mr. Potter has something to say about the matter, I find that it's none of your business." Put in his place, Ron thought to challenge him again, but Rose wandered in with a book about the Second Wizarding War, in which they all figured prominently.

"Da!" She exclaimed, holding the book open and showing Severus his picture and chosen regarding his involvement. Although he had seen the book before, there was something about the idea of seeing it through a child's eyes.

"Mummy!" Rose flipped to the next page as Hermione came back through to get the rest of the breakfast dishes. There was a photograph of Severus in St. Mungos and a very young Hermione standing next to him, receiving an update on his condition. It worried her immediately that Snape would revert to his former feelings, that he'd rather died that day in the Shrieking Shack.

"Your Mum saved me from a huge snake, with large fangs and a nasty bite." Rose pointed to Severus's throat where he still had some scars, using two fingers to appear as flags. "Yes, and if she hadn't, I wouldn't be here." Rose clapped and took the book again, running back to the library.

"You weren't lying, she is clever." Ron snorted and left the room, obviously miffed that his attempted showdown had failed once more.

"Still angry with me?" She asked, referencing the antivenin and saving his life.

"Increasingly." But his kiss said otherwise.


	11. Epilogue

**AN:** I didn't quite know where I was going with this story when I first started writing. I had a huge plan payed out for "Away from the Sun", but not this one. Although I know I'd like to go back and tweak some things and expand some narrative, what I wanted was slow redemption and realization. Thank you followers and reviewers!

Epilogue: One Year Later

Rose ran through the flat in York, her hair in two braids, flying wildly as she ran. Severus caught her and pulled her close.

"Birthday girls can still be punished for running through the house, little miss." He bopped her nose with index finger, her pouty lip making him laugh.

"You know you can't resist that lip, Severus." Hermione called out as she gathered all of the things she needed to take to Grimmauld Place for Albus and Rose's birthday party.

"It doesn't hurt to remind her, afterall. Does it, Rose? Should we run through the house? I thought not." She shook her little head.

"I'm sorry, Da, very sorry." Rose kissed his chin and snuggled against him tighter as they locked arms to apparate.

"Happy birthday, Rose!" Albus yelled as they arrived in the garden; she lept from Severus' arms and chased Albus around the topiary, James joining as soon as he heard them.

"Ginny's inside frosting the cake, here I'll take those." Harry told Hermione as Snape handed over the presents and extra food.

"Gin?" Hermione called out, not finding her in the kitchen. She heard sniffles from the loo and tapped on the door.

"Ginny? What's wrong?" Hermione pushed the door open and saw Ginny, puffy eyed.

"I'm hormonal, sorry. It's just that, I'm pregnant and if I have another boy, I will literally lose my mind." Hermione laughed, thinking of the Potter boys and the havoc they caused wherever they went.

"Congratulations! That's so lovely and if it's a boy, you'll survive, we'll charm the rooms frequently for breakable items and buy stock in Havisham's grocery." It soothed Ginny a bit, but Hermione could see she was still uneasy.

"Look, if it makes you feel any better, I'm pregnant, too." Ginny's eyes shot up to hers, shock and disbelief written all over her face.

"No way! Does Severus know?"

"I only just had my suspicions this week and I haven't been to a healer, but I'm pretty sure. We'll go through it together again and this time I won't be a sobbing mess." She hugged Gunny tightly, trying to calm her own fears.

"Do you think he'll be happy?" Ginny mused, blowing her nose and splashing her face.

"I honestly don't know, we've been so careful. And we've never talked about more, I always thought Rose would be an only child like both of us." They both looked at themselves in the mirror, pinching their cheeks.

"It had to have been Venice." Hermione added, thinking about their recent trip, wherein Hermione pretended to be on assignment and Snape followed her, like they had before. It was fun to continue the game, even if he couldn't do exactly what he used to do. He'd taken her in the alley, as though she was being held against her will, and it had been as amazing as the first time after she was cured, yet better because her love for him had grown exponentially in the year since, and her knowledge of his 'predilections' gave her power over him she never thought she would have.

"Venice?" Ginny laughed, opening the bathroom door and checking to make sure the coast was clear.

"I'll tell you about that one later."

"You two seem awfully cheerful." Ron shouted from the kitchen, causing Hermione and Ginny to give each other a knowing glance.

"It's a birthday party, Ron, cheerful is just one of the requirements." Harry said, slapping Ron on the shoulder and taking the tray of biscuits to the garden. Hermione could tell he already knew about his new bundle, his face so free of any of the worry or fear Ginny carried, just happy to be surrounded by family as he'd never been as a child.

"Ron, will you help me with the sandwiches?" Ginny called out, as George and Angelina came through, then Bill and Fleur with their brood.

The day was filled with games and stories, the adults catching up on life and the kids enjoying each other since Rose didn't see Albus and James everyday any longer. Hermione and Severus normally stayed the night when they came to visit, but she almost wanted to retreat to York and contemplate how to tell him he was going to be a father again. It suddenly made her nervous, but she didn't have time to think too much on it as Rose and Albus opened their presents and ate cake, Arthur and Molly spoiling them as they always did.

"Soon we won't have a big enough yard for all of us." Harry laughed, watching all of the kids play with Albus' new broom and hover with the old ones, getting stuck every now and then in the topiary.

When all was cleaned up and the guests gone, Hermione carried Rose up the stairs to her old room, tucking her gently between the sheets as she heard Severus come to the door, tapping lightly on the hinges.

"She looks older, somehow." His voice carried across the room and it hit Hermione that he was right, Rose looked far less like the chubby girl she'd been the year before, now leaner, her features becoming more pronounced. Instinctively, she pushed some errant curls away from Rose's face and kissed her cheeks.

"I cannot believe she's three." Hermione whispered, standing and coming to his side.

"Practically an adult." He joked as he put his arm around her, running his thumb across her shoulder many times before walking with her into the bedroom. Hermione lost her nerve and simply got ready for bed, washing her face and trying to smooth her hair into a braid. He was asleep when she finally crawled into bed, so she snuggled at the edge of the bed and fell asleep in anxious energy.

That morning at breakfast, like they'd done for months when they were first figuring things out and getting Rose used to having Severus in her life before they moved to York, Hermione buttered their toast and set tea out.

"Ginny, did James and Albus even eat?" Harry called out from the kitchen as he watched James and Albus played on the brooms in the backyard.

"I think so, Hermione?"

"They had toast and jam, and maybe stole some of the pasties from yesterday." She replied, the smell of the raspberry jam making her stomach turn. It had been the same with Rose.

"Excuse me." She called out, running to the loo, heaving as she made it to the toilet. She should've remembered the raspberry jam. Severus poured Hermione more tea and looked with questioning brows towards the loo as Hermione practically crawled out.

"Sorry." She said, sitting between Rose and Severus, Harry smirking a Ginny must've told him.

"Can I play now?" Rose asked, wiping her mouth and pushing down

"Be careful, don't tear your dress. We're seeing Auntie Minerva later." Hermione could barely keep her head up. "I think I'll go lie down." As she started up the stairs, Ginny whispered something to Harry, their knowing glance making Severus uncomfortable for a moment. All three heads turned as a loud thump sounded down the stairwell. Severus jumped into action, racing up the stairs and finding Hermione passed out in front of her old door. He scooped her up and took her to the bed, her eyes opening slightly.

"Maybe you need to eat something more than toast." He joked, wiping her face with a cold rag.

"Severus, I need to tell you something." She whispered, as he sat on the edge of the bed, his arm resting across her waist.

"Yes?" A worried look met her as she finally locked eyes with him.

"Remember Venice?" She asked, a sheepish smile forming on her lips and his.

"Of course, how could I not?" His fingers played at the collar of her shirt, running his thumb over her collarbone.

"Well it seems we did forget something." Hermione sighed, trying to find her courage. And without sharing anything, she could see him doing the math, calculating the strange behavior.

"Are you sure?" His tone was unreadable, his body language slightly stiff and his hand still.

"I haven't been to a healer yet, but I'm pretty sure, it was the same with Rose. And I know it's…" But he stilled her mouth and kissed her, even with the faint smell of vomit.

"We'll just have to be more careful in the future." He finally said, resting his hand on her stomach, kissing her again.

"You're not upset?" Her tone fully giving her anxiety away.

"Shocked, not upset. I guess I'll have to be gentle with you for a while, won't I?" He leaned in for another kiss and then smoothed her face once more with the rag.

"I have a potion you can take for this sickness, unless you'd rather suffer." He joked, as she shivered a bit beneath his touch.

"Please! I don't know if I can handle morning sickness like I had with Rose, it was unbearable. Ginny and I basically sat with a cistern between us and vomited for days."

"That sounds disgusting and wholly unnecessary." The sour look on his face made her chuckle, but suddenly he turned more stern, severe like he did when he was unsure. She took a few look strands and tucked them behind his ear, getting his attention.

"What's troubling you?" Her voice broke the momentary silence.

"I want you to marry me." He finally replied, taking her hands in his.

"And that's troubling?" She joked, thinking back to their first meeting, the knife at her cheek. "There have been far more troubling things in our relationship, Severus." He pulled the hem of her shirt up and lowered the waist of her pants, resting his hand, skin to skin, on the small of her belly.

"You've given me a new life and I squandered it for a time, and now you've given me two more. After all this, it frightens me that I'll grow so attached and you or they will be gone, that I'll lose you too, like everyone else." She raised herself up on her elbows and looked directly into his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere, and neither are Rose and this little one. I will marry you, then you'll never be rid of me." He captured her tightly against him kissed her lips, glad she could assuage his fears, even slightly.

"Just promise you won't stop finding me in dark alleyways." She added, nibbling his bottom lip. They heard the laughter outside and he helped her to the window, her legs feeling a bit wobbly.

"You can run to the edge of the world and I will find you." He whispered into her hair, holding her from behind as she leaned on the window sill. Rose and the boys hovered off the ground mere inches, but they looked as though they were trying to play quidditch. Feeling a bit stronger, Hermione wrapped her arms around Severus and pulled him even closer, her fingers slowly undoing the buttons of his shirt. He cast a few spells and the door slammed, locked and the room was silent.

"Are you sure?" He asked, his hand traveling over her breasts.

"With you, undoubtedly."


End file.
